rolf's diary

Archive for 2010|Yearly archive page

Dear diary, tuesday.

In self esteem on 27. July 2010 at 06:56

This morning i have my time miscalculated i got up at 4 am and have read  some articles about sporttracker apps till 5am. But i was at time at my morning shift. My mood is relaxed this morning, but this night Nadine had heavy labor pain. After 2 hours they werden gone. It was a short night.

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Dear diary, how i do be confident?

In borderline, depresson, diary, self esteem on 26. July 2010 at 21:01

We are all human and have flaws. Even if your physicalappearance, unique personality, or social skills aren’t what you wish they were, that doesn’t have to stop you from being confident. Confidence translated literally from Latin means “to have faith in oneself”. You are beautiful inside and out so you should loveyourself unconditionally. Here’s how to believe in yourself.

  • Think for yourself. Very confident people know what they are doing is right, usually because they created an original thought rather than attempting to reproduce from an external source.
  • Make a list of special talents you have, or things you do that are good. Focusing on your attributes helps distract you from those parts of yourself that you think are flawed. It doesn’t have to be a specific skill or activity either; it can be an approach or an attitude that you champion through life. Do you always stay calm, cool and collected, even in hurried situations? Are you verypatient with people? Do you always see the humorous side of things? Are you always there for your friends?
  • Find your passion . Whether it’s baton twirling, martial arts, classic cars, musicianship, or basket weaving, you will feel confident pursuing that endeavor by recognizing what you enjoy doing the most. More importantly, you’ll be enjoying your progress.
  • Focus on Others. Try not to focus negatively on how you come across or how others mayperceive you. Instead, focus more on making other people happy, and that will build yourconfidence as other people start enjoying your company.
  • Take care of yourself. Eat a healthy diet. Don’t abuse your body, don’t overload it, and don’tdeny it any of the things it needs. At the same time, don’t obsess. Buying all the moisturizers, creams and conditioners will not bring you closer to who you want to be. Those things are only band-aids and make up. Confidence comes from within. Take the time to reflect on your life and do some emotional maintenance. In order to be truly confident, you absolutely must value yourself and understand that your well-being is important.
  • Work out. This is a real fast change. The gym can transform even the last geek. It will help you be who you are, and not be afraid of it. That’s the real confidence. Getting enough exercise can boost your confidence amazingly. Not only will it give you more energy throughout the day, but being in good physical shape will make you feel more “worthy” you could say, to talk to others and to be yourself.
  • Stick up for yourself. If people put you down (and not in a good-natured, joking way), then let them know that their opinion of you is not held by everyone—most of all yourself. This may, at first, be hard to do. But once you stick up for yourself a few times, your confidence builds and you get more adept at it.
  • Celebrate your individuality. If you know you’ve got something special or different, then embrace it; don’t hide it. That’s diversity. You may wish that you were taller, or shorter, skinnier,stronger, whatever the case may be. But you need to realize that, if you were like everyone else, then you wouldn’t be who you are. “What am I?” you ask; the answer’s easy: You’re a uniqueindividual who is capable of growing and learning.
  • Take action. It is surprising how powerful the simple step of taking an action can be. And the action you take need not be something extravagant or grand. It could be something as simple as tackling a task that you have been procrastinating, such as writing a letter or tidying up that corner of the garage that has been out of control for the last several months. It could also be something as interesting as taking a class in yoga, art, interior design, anything that interests you that you haven’t done yet. Whether large or small, action brings with it exhilaration, enthusiasm, and the confidence that other things can be done as well.
  • Improve your posture. Having good posture can actually make you feel more confident. Don’t slouch or slump your shoulders; nothing says “I lack confidence” more than a person who appears like they’re trying to hide from the world. Make sure that your back is straight, your shoulders are square, and your chest is puffed out slightly (but stay loose, otherwise you’ll appear stiff and uptight). Keep your chin up and your eyes forward rather than looking at the ground.
  • Make a conscious effort to smile often. A smile makes you appear warm, honest, friendly, and confident. You can also just relax your facial muscles entirely, which will make you appear calm and relaxed. Observe yourself in a mirror to make sure that you don’t have a tense or nervous facial expression, because if you do others will believe you to be sad, angry, or uncomfortable.
  • Make eye contact with others, especially when engaging in conversation. Gaze into the other person’s eyes as you talk to make yourself seem interested, calm, and confident. Avoiding eye contact makes you appear shy and submissive, while directly staring for too long may make you appear angry or scared. So the best advice is to gaze into a person’s eyes as you converse with them while occasionally shifting your gaze or looking around.
  • Control your hand motions. When it comes to gesturing with your hands, keeping your hands far apart and your palms open makes you appear open and honest. Pointing with your fingers and bringing your hands closer together can draw emphasis to what you are saying. Don’t overuse hand gestures or you’ll look nervous and unstable. Avoid wringing your hands or touching your sleeves, as these things can make you appear nervous, tense, or even dishonest.
  • Put a little strut into your walk. Move like you have a purpose, and keep your knees slightly bent to avoid appearing stiff and rigid.
  • Act confident, even if you don’t truly feel it. After a while, it will come naturally, and you will feel confident in yourself! Also, learn to not care what others think of you. If you let what people say to you bring you down, you will never be happy. Only care about how you feel about yourself, and don’t always take what people say at face value, because they may be jealous of you and are intending to put you down. Don’t let them stop your progress, but stand up for yourself whileacting calmly.
  • Smile and talk loudly and clearly, making jokes and being generally happy. Don’t moan or be over-confident people hate that so much.
  • Be kind to every one, even if you don’t like them. No matter who they are just be nice. That way, you will seem warm, friendly, caring and kind.

Dear diary, i sat on the bridge, ready to jump! #blog

In depression, diary on 26. July 2010 at 20:10

last year at december :
“soon it’s over” i thought as i sat at a bridge over the rhine in my home town. my soul was dead and i want to jump in river to find peace. in my life is too much happening still want to live on.
but a little thing in my brain held me back. one little thought: you are at the end! why you don’t try to begin a new life? is it not a try worth?
and i stood on.
today i’m happy that i attempted. i’m not yet happy but i’m on the right way.

Dear diary, fucking petrus!

In self esteem on 26. July 2010 at 13:34

I’m still working and in a half hour i have my closing time. And what is going on? It’s raining now. I think Petrus can’t love me. Well, i buy a umbrella this afternoon when i go in the City. 

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Dear diary, monday morning,planet earth?

In diary on 26. July 2010 at 04:14

i just got up. first i had to think who i am? where i am? and why me? after i found the answers i note shocked that i am a human!

now i am drinking coffee before i go to the early shift to earn money for my boss.

not only the life is beautyful, i'm too!

Dear diary, hack yourself!

In borderline, depression on 25. July 2010 at 22:39

You can be happy. You can live the life you want to live. You can become the person

hack yourself!

you want to be.

This is what I’ve figured out so far.

Stop assigning blame. This is the first step. Stop assigning blame and leave the past behind you.

You know whose fault it is that your life isn’t perfect. Your boss. Your teachers. Your ex-lovers. The ones who hurt you, the ones who abused you, the ones who left you bleeding. Or even yourself. You know whose fault it is — you’ve been telling yourself your whole life. Knowing whose fault it is that your life sucks is an excellent way to absolve yourself of any reponsibility for taking your life into your own hands.

Forget about it. Let it go. The past isn’t real. “That was in another country, and besides, the wench is dead.” If we’re not talking about something that is real and present and in your life right now, then it doesn’t matter. Nothing can be done about it. If nothing can be done about it, then don’t spend your energy dwelling on it — you have other things to do.

via hack yourself.

Dear diary, horny! #blog #blogger

In diary on 25. July 2010 at 17:02

my tomcat is very horny today but the two cats are cold like a 2000 years old glacier. well, why it is to be with cats different?-there it must through.

i was very lazy today with a bit fatigue. my family is visiting friends and i staying at home. will fool no one, i have good manners.

often i will to be alone but when i’m alone i miss my family….

right mood

in the last days my brain has no longer felt like a fallen asleep elbow. i can think almost without noises. clear-thinking.

it is strange. nevermind, i must accustom me .

it goes up!

tomorrow i have early shift till 2 pm and i will rock the workplace.

U.S. Mood Measured Through Twitter

In diary, opinion on 25. July 2010 at 08:31

follow me on twitter!

A group of researchers have published a simple word analysis of 300 million tweets (you know, those short, 140 character-maximum status updates from individuals) from Twitter and discovered something amazing — people are happier on the weekends, and before and after work. Yes, that’s right — people are happier when they are not working!

That's me!

It took three researchers from Northeastern University and two from Harvard Medical School to arrive at these stunning conclusions.

more…

symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD)

In borderline on 25. July 2010 at 08:15

The main feature of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is apervasive pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image and emotions. People with borderline personality disorder are also usually very impulsive.

This disorder occurs in most by early adulthood. The unstable pattern of interacting with others has persisted for years and is usually closely related to the person’s self-image and early social interactions. The pattern is present in a variety of settings (e.g., not just at work or home) and often is accompanied by a similar lability (fluctuating back and forth, sometimes in a quick manner) in a person’s emotions and feelings. Relationships and the person’s emotion may often be characterized as being shallow.

more…

Dear diary, sunday morning

In diary on 25. July 2010 at 07:48

last night i have slept well. probable reasons:

  • 1. yesterday eve i did not drink coffee.
  • 2. all day i checked my thoughts and feelings.
  • 3. i have eaten controlled.
  • 4. for a better body feeling i’ve done a lot of  sport without stress

in my  armee time i have done a lot of sport, 100 km marches, half marathon.  during this time i had no depression. my body feeling was well.  i have remembered now and i do sports again.

in the past months i have lost 21 kg. but my goals were to amition. i have lost the lust again  and my depression were worse again.

i had to forced myself again. now i do sports without big goals, only for fun.

my six pack is back and my mood is relaxed. to do sport is like cure for improving abetter self-esteem. the body feeling get better and the serotonin ensure for a better mental state.

ok, only sports makes me not healty but it helps to feel me better.

for the time i try to cope 100 push ups at once and i do every second day exercises with free weights. to burn calories i go jogging at least three times a week for 45 min.

my training plan for 100 push ups:

i think push ups are a great training for my body.

as i said, i go at least three times a week for 45 min jog. slowly, stress free. and i eat better, more fruits and vegatable,  less meat,fat, bread, sugar etc.