rolf's diary

dear diary, this saturday morning

In self esteem on 17. July 2010 at 08:10

my thoughts are restless, they are hard on my feelings.

the feelings would to be crushed until i think about suicide again.

thoughts like flying swallows

at the sky i see a swarm of swallows. they poise through the air. without stress. they lead a life of simplicity and life a happy life. weightless.

I’m not envious. i try to copy their behavior for my thoughts. thoughts can be a poison or wonderful gifts.

i have to choose! and then working on it! livelong. hard.

the trouble is it worth.

good-by swallows! thank you for your help. until the next time.

  1. Well as a friend, let me mention this on the good way. Suicide is not solution. Suicide is the most egoistic solution that you can ever find. If I rememeber correctly, there are about four weeks left until your son is born. There is new life coming to your life and this new life needs your helping hands. There is no way stealing your self away from what is coming up to you. Stop thinking about suicide and don’t be a coward who leaves “wife” and son behind. Could be – life is quiet and easy for you then ’cause you are dead. But that’s it.

    Listen to this: and open up the lyrics, read them carefully. And listen again. And again.

    It is up to you.

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