rolf's diary

dear diary,sunday morning

In self esteem on 18. July 2010 at 08:58

after a another night with terrible dreams i sit here at my netbook and try to describe my mood. but this morning i feel only emptiness.

i have not even thoughts  about a jump from a bridge. i’m in the moment like a sculpture in the storeroom at a province museum. an ugly sculpture without a worth.

every day i think about if i want to live tomorrow. irresponsible?

who do say this? god? god is death and we anytime too.

my unborn son? he is the thin thread. a very thin.

nobody speaks with me, no friends anymore, only thoughts and tabletts.

i want too speak. with humans they can understand me.

but where are they?

self pity?


appeal for help?


but god is death and we anytime too.

  1. Remember that your friends have also their own lives and that they might be struggling along with difficulties as well. Difficulties they cannot handle. It is not bad will or even worse that they are not speaking to you. Also friends can feel empty sometimes. Taking pills is just a hand in a situation like this. The most important thing you should know about your situation is: it is going to change. Life is always changing. Anytime. That is a fact, no matter if you believe in god or not. Your unborn son is a important.

    If you appeal for help: What kind of help do you want? Can you make it out clear to you or others? Because – if you can do it, it is much easier to help you. For friends, family and all the people around you.

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