Dear diary, i sat on the bridge, ready to jump! #blog

last year at december :
“soon it’s over” i thought as i sat at a bridge over the rhine in my home town. my soul was dead and i want to jump in river to find peace. in my life is too much happening still want to live on.
but a little thing in my brain held me back. one little thought: you are at the end! why you don’t try to begin a new life? is it not a try worth?
and i stood on.
today i’m happy that i attempted. i’m not yet happy but i’m on the right way.

Dear diary, hack yourself!

You can be happy. You can live the life you want to live. You can become the person

hack yourself!

you want to be.

This is what I’ve figured out so far.

Stop assigning blame. This is the first step. Stop assigning blame and leave the past behind you.

You know whose fault it is that your life isn’t perfect. Your boss. Your teachers. Your ex-lovers. The ones who hurt you, the ones who abused you, the ones who left you bleeding. Or even yourself. You know whose fault it is — you’ve been telling yourself your whole life. Knowing whose fault it is that your life sucks is an excellent way to absolve yourself of any reponsibility for taking your life into your own hands.

Forget about it. Let it go. The past isn’t real. “That was in another country, and besides, the wench is dead.” If we’re not talking about something that is real and present and in your life right now, then it doesn’t matter. Nothing can be done about it. If nothing can be done about it, then don’t spend your energy dwelling on it — you have other things to do.

via hack yourself.

Dear diary, horny! #blog #blogger

my tomcat is very horny today but the two cats are cold like a 2000 years old glacier. well, why it is to be with cats different?-there it must through.

i was very lazy today with a bit fatigue. my family is visiting friends and i staying at home. will fool no one, i have good manners.

often i will to be alone but when i’m alone i miss my family….

right mood

in the last days my brain has no longer felt like a fallen asleep elbow. i can think almost without noises. clear-thinking.

it is strange. nevermind, i must accustom me .

it goes up!

tomorrow i have early shift till 2 pm and i will rock the workplace.

Dear diary,spongebob and purzel!

Well, a beautyful gay couple.

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Dear diary, farewell letter

This morning i have found my farewell letter for my dead parents. I have wrote the letter through my therapy. Today i try to translate it in the english language. I’m sad. I missing they.

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Raise Self Esteem (quick, easy and effective) #blog

Dear diary,tuesday evening

I haven’t much to tell. My body seem to be without thoughts and feelings. Only a kind of lonely. I miss to speak with friends. i have to give that’s a good sign at my progress. What can i do to find people they want to speak,discuss,laugh and cry with me. Can you help me? Ok, you are only a diary and your reader wouldn’t help. I go to bed now. i hope without nightmares but it’s only a hope.
Good night world, not good bye.

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Dear diary, sunday notes

-This endless discussions about our leisure activies bored me.
-I have with Nadine cleaned up our flat.
-i drink a fresh cup of coffee and afterwards i take a nap because my mind is tired. Maybe it helps. I have to give that my mood is better like yesterday.
-monique cuddless a lot with me today.but at the moment i do not want physical contact.
-after i woke up monique and i draw pictures.
-even iris wants no contact with me anymore, makes me very sad,very sad.
-after a walk i sit at the miniaturegolf now and drink coffee.
-it’s 10pm, tomorrow i have early shift, i go to bed  now.

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